A co-parenting or shared custody arrangement involves a specific breakdown of parenting time. Both parents have a certain percentage of overnight stays with the children and may also see them occasionally for special events.
Such arrangements allow both parents to work and can help the children by preserving their parental bonds. Unfortunately, not everyone who seeks and obtains a significant amount of parenting time actually shows up for their children. Some people have unpredictable, demanding careers. Others struggle with personal priorities. Whatever the reason behind it, some shared custody arrangements see one parent regularly shortening or outright canceling their time with their children.
How can parents address scenarios in which co-parents fail to uphold a shared parenting schedule?
Keeping careful records
A single cancellation because someone has food poisoning or an unexpected project at work likely isn’t going to do much harm to the family unit in the long run. However constant cancellations can cause a variety of issues.
The children may suffer from self-esteem issues and other mental health consequences because they take the cancellations personally. They may interpret the absence of the parent as a personal rejection. The parent who is with the children may have to miss work, cancel scheduled events or rework their budget to pay for last-minute child care.
When there is a pattern of canceled and shortened visits, the other parent needs to keep detailed records of when and why the other parent does not fulfill their parental responsibilities. They may also need to document how the children respond. That factor can be important when taking the matter back to court.
Seeking a modification
When one parent is seemingly incapable of parenting as the custody order dictates, the courts may agree to modify the existing custody order. They may reduce the number of visits and overnight stays that the no-show parent has with the children.
Doing so is beneficial because it makes the schedule more predictable and eliminates the feelings of rejection that the children may have. Typically, a parent seeking a custody modification needs to show that there has been a significant change in circumstances. A regular failure to show up for the children could warrant making formal revisions to the custody arrangements for the family.
Obtaining a child custody modification can reduce the pressure on one parent and might motivate the other to be more consistent about their parenting time. Children shouldn’t have to feel disappointed and rejected because one parent cannot adhere to an established custody schedule.